Wednesday, September 5, 2012

100 Things You Can Say To Irritate A Democrat


Liberals are insanely easy to anger or confuse these days. Simple questions asking for clarification about ideology can escalate into screamfests.  But if you have ear plugs or a nasty sense of humor, you can use these to piss off your liberal friends. But don’t expect any invitations to parties. (Note: This was written as a direct response to 100 Things You Can Say To Irritate A Republican. So don't whine about the set up; it was intentional, and they started it.)

1. A Socialist wrote the Pledge of Allegiance as a statement of nationalism and patriotism.
2. Jesus healed the sick and helped the poor, for free. He didn’t ask for government programs, grants, or handouts to do the job.
3. Alger Hiss was guilty as hell.
4. Jane Fonda and Tom Hayden were communist dupes.
5. The South lost the Civil War; now, it is the engine that drives the American economy.
6. The Founding Fathers were products of the Enlightenment; modern labels don’t apply.
7. Fascism is a product of socialism. Nazis were National Socialists and Mussolini was a Communist.
8. Nancy Pelosi is a fool. But I repeat myself.
9. Liberals have aerodynamic skulls to deflect opposing thought.
10. Obama took a bad economy and made it demonstrably worse.
11. Obama has no limits for his abortion policy. None.
12. Nixon created the Environmental Protection Agency. Not the Democrats.
13. Ronald Reagan supported the concept of Peace Through Strength.
14. Global warming is real; anthropogenic global warming is highly debatable.
15. Democrats love illegal immigrants, particularly at election time. In between, they need gardeners and nannies, too.
16. If the military is a government-run institution (and it is), why do Democrats hate it so much and wish to defund it?
17. Islamic terrorism exists, the Palestinians are an invented people, and the Democrats are pro surrender.
18. Paying taxes is the price of belonging to a society. Patriotism doesn’t enter into it.
19. Democrats: Believing that you can spend, then borrow, kite checks, then print money, and it doesn’t matter.
20. The Democratic Party was the party of Southern institutionalized racism for 100 years.
21. The Presidents’ full name is Barack Hussein Obama and he was born in the United States of America. A fact he has spent a lifetime apologizing for.
22. George W. Bush held hands with the King of Saudi Arabia. And Barack Obama bowed to him.
23. President Obama saved General Motors for the United Auto Workers, and screwed every other debt holder to greater and lesser degrees. His administration also hosed non union workers out of their full pensions.
24. Hate is not a Christian virtue. Neither is liberal sanctimony.
25. Jesus promised to bring fire and a sword.
26. Democrats spend more of other people’s money.
27. Camp outs in public squares are for spoiled hippies or Boy Scouts.
28. Public schools indoctrinate children with values the government and its acolytes espouse.
29. The Constitution is the law, not the current whim of the Court.
30. Sharia law doesn’t exist in America. Yet. Give Democrats some time to be all “inclusive.”
31. The President is NOT a Muslim. Neither is he much of a Christian.
32. People are people, unless they are liberal…in which case they are tools.
33. MSNBC isn’t real news, it’s just the propaganda arm of the Progressive, looney left.
34. The Federal Reserve was a Republican idea. Which the Democrats promptly screwed up under FDR.
35. Women are equal citizens who deserve equal rights. And they may now vote because Republicans in the 1910-1915 era made it happen.
36. Women control their own bodies. And should put on their big girl chones and look out for their own birth control and reproductive health.
37. Abortion is a relevant medical procedure, except when destroying a fetus that is viable outside the womb. Then it is murder.
38. Democrats do not understand spell-check.
39. It’s “pundit”, not “pundint”. True. It’s also correct grammar to put the comma and the period inside of the quotation marks.
40. Social Security was never solvent. We simply had more people paying into it than were drawing out. There has never been a “trust fund” except as an accounting line in a budget; we spent the cash as it came in. And the Supreme Court ruled years ago that whether we paid in for a lifetime or not, we have no intrinsic “right” to benefits. Look it up.
41. Anything that someone else will either have to provide or pay for is NOT a right.
42. Roe v. Wade was a bipartisan ruling. So was the preponderance of Gore v. State of Florida.
43. Democrats think everyone is above average, neatly misunderstanding what averages are.
44. The donkey is absolutely the correct mascot for Democrats as it is stubborn, intractable, incapable of understanding reasoned argument, and forgets how often it is wrong day to day.
45. Barack Obama ordered the killing of Osama Bin Laden. And he let Valerie Jarrett call it off twice for him.
46. Waterboarding IS torture. And the intelligence we got from it enabled Obama to give the kill order to take out Osama Bin Laden. Intelligence is never free.
47. 9/11 happened on George W. Bush’s watch, after eight years of Democratic dithering about whether Al Qaeda was a threat or Osama Bin Laden a palpable threat.
48. Republicans invaded Iraq to topple Saddam Hussein. Iraq has contracts with other nations for the oil, which it owns. And we paid the price of American used bases and local improvements.
49. Separation of church and state is in the Constitution, it’s called the First Amendment. And the Second Amendment allows for private ownership of guns.
50. Muslims are protected by the Constitution, just as much as Christians. And just as little.
51. Barack Obama is the first African-American President, get over it. So? And JFK was the first Catholic, FDR the first cripple, and Abe Lincoln the first with Marfan’s Syndrome.
52. The Oval Office is NOT a “whites only” office. Neither is it an Affirmative Action cincture.
53. America is a nation of immigrants; but most of our ancestors had to wait in line and emigrate through Ellis Island…not cross the border in the back of a Subaru.
54. The white race isn’t disappearing, it’s evolving. And so, we hope, is every other race.
55. Dumb is a Democratic party platform statement.
56. Evolution is real; and so are relative disparities between men and women, and people one race or sect to another.
57. The Earth is 4.54 billion years old, not 6,000. Congratulations. You were listening in class that day.
58. The Founding Fathers did not free the slaves. But they did put a mechanism in place to begin the process of ending it by forbidding slave importation at a date certain. They did not envision the cotton gin.
59. The Revolution was NOT fought over slavery. And neither was the Civil War.
60. Paul Revere warned the Americans, NOT the British. Really?
61. Federal law and state law exist mutually, each acting upon its own sphere of influence. It’s called Federalism. Remember that term from high school government classes?
62. The Civil War was primarily about trade and the northern control over markets and shipping. It was only tangentially about slavery.
63. Corporations are owned by people who invest in them to make money. Tell the truth. Liberals invest in companies, too. Like the Kennedys, the Kerrys, the you name its.
64. Getting out of a recession requires consumer spending, and it works better and faster if the consumers work in the private sector because government jobs can only spend money; they cannot produce MORE money. And company profits produce more hiring and more spending.
65. Ed Shultz is out of his goddamned mind.
66. Democrats: Haven’t had a new idea since 1932.
67. Democrats think the government should pay for your schooling, your health, your entertainment, your job, and your burial. And they would prefer it if you shut up the rest of the time.
68. Some Republicans might need Viagra, but most Democrats need Aricept.
69. MSNBC is owned by crazy people who have allowed the Democratic Party to use it as a house organ.
70. Democrats want to give jobs to illegal immigrants and keep deserving minorities in our inner cities out of work.
71. Democrats didn’t want to be identified with Red China and the Red Army, so they invented the Red State/Blue State thing through the media and assigned themselves “blue” to avoid the obvious comparison.
72. Individuals of all kinds built this country; labor unions had a part; so did industrialists who supplied the jobs.
73. Democrats couldn’t even get all of the Democrats to go along with most of the silly shit they did during the Obama Administration.
74. Jesus was a Jew, not a Christian. Really? And this is news…how?
75. When Democrats see black, they see a voting block…and they punish any African American who dares to disagree with the prevailing ideology.
76. Robert Byrd was a Klansman; Joseph Kennedy liked the Nazis.
77. Democrats care for children only as political pawns for the teacher’s unions.
78. Democrats are ideologues, which is the political equivalent of religion. They are not hypocritical; they believe, even if evidence doesn’t exist or actively contradicts their position.
79. The Democratic Left boycotts anything that upsets their ideological sandcastles or ruffles their politically correct feathers.
80. I think, therefore I cannot be a Democrat.
81. Democrats who oppose gay marriage were driven from the party for opposing the prevailing theology.
82. Churches should stay out of politics, or be taxed. Tell it to Black Southern Baptist churches; they will have a different opinion.
83. People are too poor NOT to vote Republican.
84. Democrats use bumper sticker slogans as a substitute for thinking.
85. Democrats hate education that has any choice to it outside of their ideology or their teachers unions.
86. The Democratic position on lust is that we need more of it, on envy is that we should take away what others have, on sloth is that we should give people a living whether they work or not, and pride on believing that their whims or beliefs constitute truth.
87. Socialism and fascism both arose from the political left.
88. The current corporate tax rate is the highest in the industrial world; higher even than in Socialist Western Europe.
89. Democrats: Anti-family, anti reason, and anti-people. On the other hand, they are real good with snail darters, so there’s that.
90. Democrats: Robbing the American taxpayer since 1966.
91. Democrats have their own terrorists; ask about the Unabomber, the Weather Underground, the Animal Liberation Front, and Earth First.
92. Democrats love outsourcing, too.
93. The Democratic answer to the oil spill was to watch it get bigger.
94. Democrats think it’s reasonable to take money from Peter to employ Paul; Republicans think Peter should keep his money, build his business, and employ Paul to help them both make MORE money.
95. Voter ID laws are intended to stop the Dead Vote in Democratic strongholds like Illinois and Pennsylvania.
96. Democrats would let your house burn down if it sat on a wetland.
97. Democrats want to control your access to health insurance. Republicans seek actual improvements in health care.
98. Democrats claim that corporations are evil, which explains why the economy continues to be in the toilet. What it doesn't explain is why Democrats nevertheless invest their lucre with corporations through their unions or pension plans.
99. Democrats think the end of ANY pregnancy is up to the mother – up to and including the last trimester.
100. Democrats are ideologues and wouldn’t recognize the truth if they tripped over it or it bit them on the ass.

Bottom line? If you want to anger a liberal, question their ideology and ask for proof. Any proof.

8 comments:

Cheyenne Steh said...

I only read the first few of these before deciding it was far too stupid to waste time reading. I feel the need to point out, in regard to #15, how the hell is election time relevant? If they're ILLEGAL immigrants, how does that help the Democrats at all? The last time I checked, non-U.S. citizens lack the right to vote in U.S. elections.

Eric Starkey said...

100. Republicans are idiots and arguing with them is a waste of time!

Eddie107 said...

Whoever wrote this was completely unoriginal, and ignorant. There is no logic or wisdom here, it is all just childish insults.

Fisher Ames said...

Obviously, you charming people neglected to read the set up. This was a response to a previous article about Republicans, so if you have issues with the wit or relevance of the particular statements contained within, blame it on the source material. Or get shagged.

Your choice.

Trainer Veach said...

Cheyenne, the only way you could have found this site is by looking up how to piss off democrats.

Samuel Templeman said...

This article was in response to another article called "100 Things You Can Say to Irritate a Republican". The statements in that article are much more childish than the statements in this article, which is the reason for the childishness of the statements in this article since this article is a satire. Simply writing this article off as, "far too stupid to waste time reading," is in turn childish because it misunderstands the purpose of this article. Just because you disagree with the beliefs of a writing does not make it stupid. Stop being childish.

T. Hemingway said...

Thank you Samuel Templeman - witty and not childish! Thank you Fisher Ames for an amusing AND illuminating comeback.

Unknown said...

The same is said for Mickey mouse and Donald duck, but thier votes are still counted at each election.